His Thoughts
by Sunshine After the Rain
Summary: Rick Castle's thoughts at the end season 2 episode 13: "Sucker Punch." Obviously there will be spoilers, so you have been warned. Rated T for language. Mostly a Caskett friendship fic with hints of romance.


A/N: I am on a roll! Two days and two fanfics. That's what I get out of really good Castle episodes though. Anyways, this is a companion piece to "Her Thoughts" and is set at the end of "Sucker Punch" so there will obviously be spoilers. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. I only take out the characters to play and to analyze their every move.

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Rick castle numbly drove away from the station. He had just managed to force Kate to kill her link to the person who wanted her mother dead. If he hadn't been an idiot and tried to play hero, this never would have happened.

When he had been being held hostage, he spent as much energy trying to figure out how to get out of this predicament as he did being scared.

He knew Kate needed the bastard alive so when he saw the opportunity he tried a move worthy of one of his book characters and head butted the guy.

He only had a chance to feel a second's victory before a gun was aimed at him and a shot rang out in close succession.

Kate looked stunned hand held the gun still staring at the space where Coonan had just been standing before proceeding to rush over and attempt CPR. Tears were streaming down her face, down Kate's face, his tough Kate's face as she futilely did the motions of CPR.

She was showing weakness and she never showed weakness, especially not tears.

His stupidity cost her the only link to the person who had decided the fate of her mother.

Were it not for him, Coonan might still be alive. She might have been able to force him to speak and she could have had closure.

But instead he had failed her, his friend and partner, the person he could now tell he was falling slightly in love with. She deserved better than him though. He was going to bury that emotion deep inside of him so that he wouldn't be able to cause Beckett more pain in that form.

He had rested a hand on her shoulder as moral support and to calm when her attempts at CPR became more frantic, but he didn't feel like it was enough. Nothing could be enough.

Kate and Montgomery were trained for these situations. They could have figured out something, but he had to go and play hero.

He had crossed a line that should not have been crossed. This was way beyond anything he had done in the past. He had hurt Beckett. That was inexcusable and he knew what he had to do. No book of his was worth potentially causing her that kind of pain again. He would have to break off their partnership. It was better for her. He cared for her too much to let that happen again.

He drove for awhile with no destination in mind as he planned out how to approach her and tell her.

Food, he needed to grab food. They had eaten together during and after cases in the past. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

He stopped at a Japanese place and picked up sushi. As he was leaving he realized he wasn't sure what she wanted and he wanted her to enjoy their last meal together as partners. He then proceeded to head to three other places and pick up some food from each. Better safe than sorry he figured.

As he left the last place he drove back towards the station where he knew he would find her. Even though it was the place that caused most of her daily stress, she worked in order to keep her mind off of the emotions each case brought her.

He knew the case had had a particularly strong impact when it looked as though she hadn't left the station the whole night. He wondered if tonight was heading towards one of those nights.

He pulled into a spot in the now almost empty parking garage outside the precinct and headed indoors. There was only the occasional office light on but for the most part, lights were out and the place resembled a ghost town.

He got up to the floor which had become quite familiar to him in the past few months and saw Beckett's solitary figure hunched over reading some packet of papers.

She had an almost wistful expression on her face. She looked so beautiful though even with her hair up in a messy ponytail.

It would be painful for him to do what was necessary, but it was for her.

He didn't want to see her face in such pain from something he did again. He walked over as normal however and glanced down at the packet of papers again.

Beckett, noticing his presence, explained that it was Montgomery's post incident evaluation. She told him that Montgomery described his actions earlier as something akin to Steven Segal. He chuckled and joked back "I'm not sure whether I should be complimented or insulted." He was not surprised that she responded with "Both." It was a very Beckett-like response.

He moved to settle down in his chair. She then glanced towards the bag with questioning eyes. He started pulling out the food and rambling about why he got so much, though wasn't really thinking about the words coming out of his mouth anymore.

He felt guilty that she was acting so normal around him after he had screwed everything up earlier this afternoon. He didn't deserve her friendliness, not now.

Seeming to have almost read his mind, Beckett cut him off saying, "It's not your fault you know."

Of course it was his fault. Had he never started interfering in the first place, she probably would have been better off. She would have been able to get the information she needed from Coonan about the person that put a hit out on her mother.

He explained "I overstepped. I came down here to say that I was sorry…and that I'm through."

He saw Kate's eyes widen at this statement. He could see her searching for some other explanation for his words other than the ending of their partnership.

He continued "I can't shadow you anymore. If it wasn't for me…"

She cut him off before he could say anymore "If it wasn't for you, I would have never found my mom's killer. And someday soon I am going to find the sons of bitches who had Coonan kill her and I'd like you around when I do."

She wanted him around? Really? He didn't know what to say. He for once was speechless. She had been trying to get rid of him for so long, and now when he was voluntarily leaving, she wanted him around.

She seemed to decide that his lack of response meant that she had to do more to convince him and continued "And if you tell anyone what I am about to say there's gonna be another shooting, but I've gotten used to you pulling on my pigtails…I have a hard job Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun."

Rick, had he been writing his emotions into one of his books, would have described what he felt at the moment as his heart melting a tiny bit.

He cared for this wonderful woman so much and if she wanted him around, there was no force on earth that could pull him away.

She looked at him for some verbal confirmation that he would stay.

"Your secret's safe with me," he told her while looking into her eyes with a smile on his face.

Kate seemed to accept this and broke the tension by handing him a pair of chopsticks with a content smile on her face.

As they ate and exchanged lighter conversation, Castle felt that their bond had grown quite a bit stronger in these past few minutes.

He knew he cared for her deeply, and was pretty sure she cared for him back, but was content for right now to rest in the waters of friendship where she was most comfortable.

There would be time to build that particular bridge in the future. After all, he was still her partner.

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A/N: Thank-you for reading. Please, if you have the time, review my story. I take both compliments and criticism and love them both equally. I appreciate any and all feedback you give me. It makes the entire fanfic writing process a little more enjoyable. :)


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